Seecrets on Google: Almost Everything You Want to Know About Google

Google News

The stories are not fact-checked. Its reporters are not journalists [words from CNN’s Global Edition]. Available in Australia English, Canada English, Hong Kong English, India English, Singapore English, United Kingdom English, Sanskrit, Tang Dynasty Chinese and Esperanto. For real news, see MSN News or Yahoo News.

Google Do-No-Evil

This mantra is well enshrined in Google’s philosophy. Perhaps, they are considering using the same logic as President Clinton during the Lewinsky episode. “We don’t do evil, maybe we’ve done a few bad things – nosirree, we’re not evil. Killing 20 million Native Americans is evil. Trampling on one billion individuals privacy is not evil, a wee bad perhaps”.

Google Collective Consciousness in Real-time

[Below are extracts from Google’s pages. This author’s comments are enclosed in square brackets.]

“Google captured the top searches and institutionalized them as the Google Zeitgeist [German for spirit of the time], a real-time window into the collective consciousness.

Pulling together interesting search trends and patterns requires Google’s human and computing power together. Search statistics are automatically generated based on the millions of searches conducted on Google over a given period of time – weekly, monthly, and annually. With some help from humans [read manipulated], and a pigeon or two when they have time, these statistics and trends make their way from the depths of Google’s hard drives [read kept indefinitely] to become the Google Zeitgeist report.

We should note that in compiling the Zeitgeist, no individual searcher’s information is available or accessible to us [who are you kidding]. What you see here is a cumulative snapshot of interesting queries people are asking – some over time, some within country domains, and some on – that perhaps reveal a bit of the human condition. We appreciate the contribution all Google users make to these fascinating bits of information [to sell to governments, repressive or not, to spy on its own people at grossly inflated prices].”

To protect your own privacy, readers should neutralize their searches, that is entering an additional and opposite search for each real search. Examples are birthday parties, funeral services; marriage advice, divorce cases; open source, software patents; george w bush, cleverness; you should get the picture now.

Google GMail

Having pried into the collective consciousness is apparently not enough. Now the target is the individual’s private thoughts and persona through the owner’s emails. The tips on neutrality cannot be easily applied to emails. To safeguard your privacy, use crypto. Newbies are encouraged to read “A Gentle Introduction to Cryptography”.

Google Translate

[Original paragraph from Marketing Plan for Joe Nogood Gift Store] Perhaps, a possible topic may be “Gift-Receiving Habits of Bushmen Americans”, the ones concentrated in the D.C. area. Bushmen use strange language like “I wish to caveat my response” which is hardly understandable by the public. A follow-up article like “Bushmen Gifts – the Impact on Iraq’s Economy” may provide the scholarly reputation for Joe, a must-read for think tanks around the world.

[Google Translated to German] Möglicherweise kann ein mögliches Thema “Gewohnheiten der Buschmannamerikaner Geschenk-Empfangen”, die, die im DC-Bereich konzentriert werden. Buschmänner verwenden merkwürdige Sprache wie “ich wünschen zum Einspruch meine Antwort”, die durch die Öffentlichkeit kaum verständlich ist. Ein Anschlußartikel wie “Buschmanngeschenke – die Auswirkung auf Wirtschaft des Iraks” kann das gelehrte Renommee für Joe zur Verfügung stellen, müssen-las für denken Behälter um die Welt.

[Google Translated back from German] Possibly a possible topic “habits of the shrub man Americans gift receiving” can, who, who are concentrated within the DC range. Shrub men use strange language as “I wish for the objection my answer”, which is hardly understandable because of the public. A connection article like “shrub man gifts – the effect on economics of the Iraq” can make the scholarly reputation available for Joe, must-read for thinks containers around the world.

This author dare not translate the above into French using Google Translate. Given the French ambivalence with Americana [read Google]; a real war may just break out.

Google Map

The advanced imagery has a resolution of one foot [30 cm. for the rest of the world]. If a stark naked man appeared, his pride and joy would not qualify to be a pixel [dot] but, his obese a** can.

Google Wallet [Payment Beta]

This will be in beta until Google’s researchers solved the paradox – where will the growth be after Google cleaned out everybody of their money. Stay tuned folks. Meanwhile, please remember “In God we trust, others pay cash – there are no trails for data-miners”.

Google We’re Recruiting Open-source Marketing

PageRank was a phenomenal success. There are thousands who slogged and promoted this idea without being paid a cent. Now, Google is looking to recruit many more to promote PageTrust. Remember, the marketing of this idea is open-source, so for all your tireless promotional efforts, you will receive no compensation from Google. The personnel at Google will cheer you on and feast on gourmet food.

Google We’re Hiring

There are many positions available for experienced personnel from the intelligence community. Having a high security clearance from your country of domicile is a prized asset. Personnel from NSA, KGB, MI5, Mossad are cordially invited to send in their resume. Those with extensive experience from Zimbabwe, Myanmar, North Korea and defunct units of Saddam’s Intelligence are also welcomed.

Exceptional talents who can convert technical analysis [stock charting] ideas into software patents are highly sought.

Technical experts in artificial intelligence [especially from Google rivals – there is a current lawsuit] are also encouraged to e-mail in their applications.

Stan Seecrets Postulate: “Using a single argument to derive at a conclusion is propaganda, using multiple arguments is persuasion.”

[No elaboration required.]

Source by Stan Seecrets

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